What's Wrong With Wal-Mart?

What's wrong with Wal-mart?

I happened to read an AOL news story featuring Wal-mart and their quest to improve their self image. Hey, I can help here! I can tell you everything you want to know and more about what's wrong with Wal-mart.

First, out of kindness I'll say this, Wal-mart provides a place you can go to shop and get anything you need in one trip, from groceries, underwear, and Rolaids, to getting an oil-change for your vehicle. Okay, now that I said that, I'll tell you what I really think about Wal-mart.

The commercials on Wal-mart show the hard working women who juggle being a mother and a career woman. They express their glee of being able to go to Wal-mart, get everything they need in one place, while saving big money hand over fist for their effort. Well, that's the idea and genius of Wal-mart. Now, let me tell you what happens when you enter the doors of your local Wal-mart for this one stop shop experience.

After choking out the second hand cigarette smoke from all the Wal-mart employees gathered around the entrance, smoking like a tar pit, usually you are greeted by an older employee wearing a blue vest and a smile. (the first and last smile you will see from a Wal-martster) you choose a shopping cart that least resembles a dumpster. At this point, most families split up and go different ways in search of their priority products. The lone shopper decides which way to navigate first.

You then begin browsing a particular section in search of that must have item. Well, darn, there it is, but the only package left has been torn open. It's still there, but even if it is something you wont be eating you don't dare buy it because it has been opened already. After all, we all remember the Tylenol tampering. So off to find that Walmartster you saw wearing a blue vest with "How can I help You? " written on the back. There she is putting something back in place on a shelf. You ask her if she knows if there is any more of what you can't find somewhere else in the store. She stares, blinks. And then lets you know with pride that she does not work in that section. Now you stare, Blink. After a moment of déjà vu (surely ive been here before, in this same situation) you watch the blue vest with (How can I help You?) disappear to the next isle. Great! after a moment of suppressing your skyrocketing blood pressure, you say the heck with it and move on to continue your one stop shop experience.

As you navigate past a small group of bluevester's arguing about when their next break is, and guide through a pickup game of Nerf football on isle 5, you find your next destination. You are browsing at some ties or bra's, whichever you wear, and suddenly you hear a loud voice over the intercom screaming code 7 in zone 4, code 7 in zone 4. You think to yourself, their looking for shoplifters, everybody knows that! You look around forgetting about the tie (or bra) to see if your being followed by secret service bluevester's (undercover of course). You fantasize about being tackled by Secret Agent Bluevester so you can sue the great Wal-mart Machine for false arrest. You grow bored with this thought, and this one stop shop experience and head towards the check-out counters with your buggy load of impulse buying you managed to collect while looking for what you needed.

Then you find yourself searching for a cashier that has less than a dozen customers. You notice that they have at least 40 cash registers, but only 5 of them with a cashier. Then you remember you needed a tobacco product. So you go to the one and only line that will provide you with this commodity only to find fifteen angry buggy pushers waiting for the one and only cashier allowed to provide you with this commodity to return from behind the Great Wall of Tobacco with a pack of Lucky Strikes. Now the bluevester cashier rings up the other 60 products the man had to go with the Lucky Strikes. 1 down and 14 to go. You thumb through a few gossip rags featuring the Freak Hollywood Star of the month to fill the precious time Wal-mart loves to detain you with in the store. (Best chance for that last minute impulse buy). 8 down and 7 to go. Oh no, the register light on the pole turns on as the cashier stops checking items and begins picking the nail polish from her register worn fingernails. After a few minutes you see Sergeant redvester stroll up to the register to insert her key card in and like magic the bluevester is checking items again. Finally only 2 to go. "This cannot be happening!" you hear yourself scream inside your head. A fresh bluevester walks up with an empty register tray in hand.

The nightmare continues. The bluevester's tally up the take for the Walton family in ever so slow fashion, after all, they are paid by the hour. finally it's your turn to experience the charm of a bluevester cashier. In your attempt to speed up this one stop shop experience, you place the big bag of dog food on the conveyor belt table top. Forbid waiting on her to do it, after all your just another paying customer. Now you use your debit card to make the purchase (another attempt at saving time) praying there is no malfunction while you remember shopper number 8's child pushing all of the buttons on it. Now, at last you get your receipt. At this point you clutch it as if it's a winning lottery ticket. You quickly head to the door, you cringe. You guessed it! the friendly bluevester greeter has been replaced by the receipt-Nazi. Yes, you must prove your an honest shopper by showing your proof of purchase. You smile because all she has left to do is place that silly orange smiley face sticker on your bag of dog food. As you leave the bluevester thanks you for your prolonged visit, and once again you are a free citizen with all your rights restored.

If Wal-mart can correct these problems with their earned self image that surely all shoppers experience, they will no doubt continue to dominate the retail world.

The Useless Philosophy of:

Edwardsthegreat