Finding the Source of Pain in Hurting People

Lately it seems I have met a lot of hurting people. People that carry with them pain as if it were an accessory like a wallet in their pocket or a keychain in their hand. I describe it in that manner because it is usually something not spoken about very often and hard to see unless you are aware of it or familiar with such pain. Hurting people become experts at hiding or camouflaging their pain. Sometimes it is obvious in those who exhibit serious withdrawal from others and other signs of depression. But in many the pain swims deep within the mind and soul unseen by others. Sometimes it can be exhibited in other forms of behavior such as humor. I had always heard that most of our funniest comics suffered serious manic depression. The comedy expressed by a comedian being an outlet for their pain or even a form of medication to ease the pain. I am sure that is not the case with all of them but it makes me wonder sometimes if our greatest comics suffered the deepest pain. Other forms of expressing pain are not so pleasing to others such as the bully or the person who cannot get along with other’s well who starts fights or keeps chaos running amuck with those in their lives. It would seem that these types of people prefer to release their pain by transferring pain to others. I have always taken to heart that old saying that misery loves company. Well in some cases this is very true. There are also ones that desire to translate their pain into being destructive whether by being physically abusive, sexually abusive, mentally abusive or even destructive with co-workers by creating sabotage within the workplace or at a specific employee for a perceived wrong whether it occurred in reality or not. Ever noticed the ones that seem to be mad at the whole world or feel the whole world is out to get them? It could be that these types of people had no anchor of trust in someone such as parents that were not there to support them as a child, or absent during their childhood development, leaving them to handle adversity on their own with no one to stand by them in times of trouble or disappointments. I have a unique career which has exposed me to many forms of personal pain in others. There are times I can see it and use it to my advantage quickly to ascertain the actual problem. But to really know the source of the pain only the one experiencing it can explain it. It can be multiple sources of pain and hurt that is deep inside their soul and psyche. The one suffering the pain from others or loss can be the only person that can tap into it and study the issues within to find an answer that will allow healing. That person can only do this when they are ready and able to face what they fear the most. That could possibly be the most frightening aspect of finding healing when you decide to challenge the demons within that torture. Finding healing will never be possible without that confrontation and then the real battle begins. 

Schools Should Address Bullying of Their Students

In grade school my younger brother and I had to walk to school a mile there and back. As a matter of fact our family didn’t have a car s we walked everywhere we needed to go. On a few occasions walking home from school my brother and I would run into a few older teenage boys that wanted to bully us around a bit. Even worse, occasionally one of us would get caught alone by a group of boy’s who love to strike fear in the heart of a boy defenseless against such numbers. I remember distinctly one day Terry and I got caught in an alley by a group of black kids a year or two older and larger. We happened to be next to an open alley garage when they started circling around us shoving and pushing us when I spotted what I thought was a garden hoe, but now I know it was a sling blade on a long wooden handle. I grabbed the tool and charged the closest boy swinging the sling blade. At first they taunted just out of reach when I charged them again as fast as I could, swinging wildly when suddenly they realized I meant business and they ran away down the alley. Little did they know I would have cut them to shreds if I had got close enough to do it. I had already had a terrible temper besides being frightful of my brother or myself getting beat down for nothing. We were no different than any other kids in the neighborhood. Black or white, all the kids knew it was best not to get caught alone or outnumbered. Our neighborhood had its share of bullies. We dodged them the best we could or suffered the consequences. What was worse is that my oldest brother was five years older and was one of the bullies we had to avoid at home or elsewhere. I couldn’t count the times I have been shot with a pellet gun or used as a practice dummy by my brother John and his friends to rehearse the latest professional wrestling hold or slam they saw on TV last. But haven’t we all been abused at one time or other by these bullies? Today, in our society our own children are subjected to the same treatment at one level or another. Sometimes they inform us of such grievances and sometimes they choose to handle it themselves quietly for fear of bothering their parents or maybe their parent’s reaction to the problem may embarrass them. It isn’t enough stress for our children go to school every morning during a time and age that mass murder in school shootings are not only a real possibility anywhere, but actually occur frequently. Also, most of our children have to have a police officer on duty at their school to keep them safe not only from criminals and nut job’s but for protection of student’s and teachers from the student’s themselves who act out of control. To say that schools these days are potential hotbeds of violence would be an understatement. Now we have a new style of bullying which has developed over the past few years in the form of psychological abuse or torture which comes by way of verbal assaults upon one individual by another or even a group of offenders. As with physical violence, this type of abusive bullying at the school and at home via social networking sites on the internet is woefully under addressed or simply ignored by school teacher’s and school administration. It seems that not only the schools but also the parents seem to shrug this off as flippant “Children will be Children” excuses for this type of destructive behavior leaving the victim children to suffer alone without obligatory protection from both parents and school administration. Recently we have seen the results of inaction from this type of bullying through teenagers choosing suicide as a final escape from their misery and suffering of fear. On January 14th, 2010 a recent Irish immigrant Phoebe Prince 15, committed suicide by hanging herself from a stairwell in her home t o escape the threats of physical harm and constant verbal and text abuse from other students who she attended school with. There was no one in her school’s administration willing to stand up for Phoebe and take actions against those who constantly abused her despite the school’s knowledge that this crime was occurring. Instead, Phoebe chose death because no one had the backbone to do what was right to ensure help and protection from these lowlife offenders. Only now, after Phoebe’s death will these six students be indicted on charges of their crimes against her and incredibly those school officials who had knowledge of this abuse will not be charged. This is most disturbing and an injustice to all children who attend school. I hope that every parent will remind their children that physical bullying and cyber bullying will not be tolerated and that their child should immediately inform them if their child experiences this type of abuse. I also hope that each parent and teacher will hold the school accountable to prevent bullying and address any problem of such incidents when they arise. Also, check into your child’s social networks to ensure of their personal safety. In my opinion if you pay for internet access you should have the right to review your child’s activities on such sites.