Life can be good and filled with moments of happiness even when the common denominator seems to be a constant struggle. I learned at a young age to follow the Golden Rule, treating others as you would have them to treat you. I have not always been perfect following this rule. I have let my own selfishness get in the way plenty of times, but over all have tried to exercise this rule with those in my life as well as with total strangers. I would even honestly say that on the balance I have applied it to others far more than I have received the same treatment. I have also learned that you reap what you sow, I have paid the price for the seeds of wrong I have planted in more ways than I can count and fill sure that I have yet paid off the debt. I was also taught to run the good race and not despair. This I think I have had more trouble with than any. I never quite felt the stability of trust. It seems everything is not as it appears. People befriend you only to create chaos in your life and disappear from you when things between you are no longer beneficial. Family will do the same to you but only slightly different. They are the ones who keep the ledger handy to record your every debt to them for every accounting of help they have offered you when you needed it the most or even worse they also measure your worth to them by their perspective of how much you have lived up to their own high standards. The older I get I seem to be able to count true friendships and relationships that were not built upon lies and false fronts for whatever temporary benefit they can receive from you. I am truly amazed how someone can use you up when you have nothing to give yet they stand in line to take their turn with you. How much longer to endure such people in my life? Are they even worth the energy? I also wonder how long I will keep the hope that has kept me drudging along all this time.
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